omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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