Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
