thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
