So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
