I just pynch a tree in the face
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
