walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
