I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
