He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
