omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
