I looked at my own cervix.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
