Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
