i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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