I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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