I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
