We're like a lot better than the average bears
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
