you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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