can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
