Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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