there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
