Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it was like eating out sand paper
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
