Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
