just tell him i said nine months
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
