god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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