Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
