Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
