eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
