Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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