I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
