yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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