You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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