He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't deserve a penis
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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