today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
