You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
