im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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