there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
