Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
