it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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