You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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