ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
