How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
