I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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