he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
