I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
