i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
