there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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