you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
