Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
