are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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