You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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