Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
