Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
