I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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