I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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