So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
