He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
