Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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