Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
