THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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