I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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