He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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