My sheets look like a crime scene.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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