this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
