Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
