you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
