oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
