ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
