And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
