Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
