But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
