Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize