I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
