You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
