stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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