what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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